Regretful 2

When grandmother dies , I am still little , do not understand feelings. The grandmother at that time says for grandfather " the actually this heart of old man is quite good, you at that time why want is away from? " " yes, she for me is really good, can say me to want what she satisfies me , I want the star on day, she can think of method. However I think is away from. " actually, rear grandmother has no grandmother at all for him for him is good. The feelings of person is really hard to say very much to settle. I think at that time, you have been away from you, will be also in charge of your son , will also let to do the responsibility of father. Yes, he for me father has not let to do the responsibility of father , on economy, have no , need not say more on feelings. However now, can also understand his difficulty. Can also understand his feelings. Sometimes, it has not good person, others will like. There will be love.

Grandmother dies for 3th rear year, in the winter of 91 years is in certain morning , my home receives a cable, give father: Father dies of illness , is quickly city. The father at that time returns not in this county. In home, person does not believe that grandfather is dead , it is taken off really that elder brother still goes to post office to check , it is true. In-form father at once that rush to go home. Father pawns night, have returned to home , second bring me and elder brother early in the morning to take the most early a regular bus domestic grandfather. Result will soon go to grandfather home, father lets us to go first domestic grandfather, he buies paper money on street to grandfather to burn. When I just enter grandfather domestic door with elder brother, rear grandmother is unexpected very much, " you now just comes , we think that you will not come. He goes to mountain. " papa has not turned round body into domestic door yet go. Little aunt is at home , brings us to go to new home of grandfather , a not far mountain goes up. Papa goes very quickly. It is rapid that original papa walks , now, it is more rapid to add to worry. We have only , is runing at the back at the same time.

Have arrived at last. However we still late. We see only that the coffin of grandfather covers. Papa when grandfather when former coffin two knees kneel , has said a sentence " I come late " tear under rain. I think that right now, it is a that father surely wants to cry loudly, in heart hate and like to cry completely. Uncle sees that we have come , are also moved very much. Grandfather life is good, together with father, he has 5 sons and two daughters. Father asks uncle: Why do you want to will soon so bury? Do not wait for until we come. Uncles say: Because according to routine, after grandfather dies can only cremation, can not burial in the ground. But grandfather would not cremation, may say that take 4 pieces of plank to order box. To reach his last wish. Can only burial in the ground. So, can not stay at home. See that we have not gone lately , think that we will not go. So, have not also waited again. Uncles say: Grandfather pities very much. He in hospital since a phlegm has not swallowed to die. After dying , all dare not also cry , fear to alarm others. Then 4 uncles add a 5 uncle persons is grandfather to live person lifts to go home. Go home after, all dare not also cry loudly. Uncles still say: When grandfather dies before today, grandfather says that sees father to reply with us and uncle to say that is Sunday exactly after two days, driving to take us see grandfather. It is gone to that however, grandfather has not waited Sunday. Bring regret to go.

Grandfather has not seen father, father company lie on plank have no expression go to grandfather to sink to see , have seen only that thick coffin covers. This coffin cover separates two lifetimes overcast positive person, separate the person that is filled with in two hearts to regret. There am still me, if grandfather can live for some years, I think that I can dissolve me completely for his misunderstanding. Because after grandmother dies , I have written a lot of letter to him, I criticize him, have not been in charge of my father, it is so bitter to let my father have received , it is conscienceless that I criticize him. However, I have also said that I admire his courage, he dares to divorce , dares to pursue own happiness. Because it is painful to not divorce two persons. Is away from most minimum he can find his happiness. It is bitter only my father. These letters that I write , father does not know at that time. Afterwards after grandfather dies , uncle has seen completely to father. Uncle says that at that time, they are angry very much when seeing letter , think that is that father lets me to write. Grandfather says that is not. Or doing the understanding of father, is son. Now, think that in same year, self is not sensible really.

Two old mans bring the resentment of a lifetime , final regret has left world. And father will also bring a regret eventually to leave this world. Because who can not also help him to remedy this regret. If grandfather is many, work is of some years, father and my uncles and the feelings of aunt have well many meetings. Because of grandfather when, father can surely often see him. Grandfather has gone , the tie of their continuous feelings seems to have broken , although say that person does not kiss bone to kiss , but than have no feelings unexpectedly. It is just slowly some that having many feelingses go always since geting along more. Person has always unavoidably a lot, is lonely. Sometimes, I say for father, you have time also go to uncle they there plays , though, it is not to kiss brother , but is also still brother. Father says , Ai, grow up together since childhood. I understand the heart of father. However, I think that a lifetime of father is not flavour really in heart. I want to let father have a a lot of time in old age very much , regret less.

Hope that the