It may come again( 11-15) if woman has how many dreams

It may come again11-15)

Author: Dark star

11th Zhang

Speak:
銆€銆€ThisHave marriage outside feelings is doomed isDoubt whether the feelingsLuoHave been angry , think that my misgiving is too heavy , do not believe his feelings. And I have caused various worry because of giving him so that pain is can not stand. Love is selfish , must be such answer and result on certain meaning. Method has only one: Cool! We are not to live in vacuum after all, especially me, the ways of the world that have gone through too many are hot and cold, I shrewdness is obvious. So, my attitude and the attitude for man are: Good wine and shotgun, dual tactics is prepared. Psychology bear force is must. Refering to this, he is more pure than me, this has increased a level of my worry, I must guard against society often for him injury, because business sea is ruthless.
I play for the first time with him littleness son time forget because of what, he has not minded seemingly , but I have regreted still very for a long time, afterwards, I have felt relieved slowly , have not yet made a kind of explanation for him. The strong feelings of love, because of his carelessness. The woman in love sensitive is nervousness, regardless of age, it is what. At the bright time that I begin hidden bitterness that he also believes me that he protects yes for me, he has not yet detected , he is one likes happy and relaxed man. However, I can not get rid of self completely thoroughly still, the vanity of the nature of woman. I feel wronged still. It is first.
His hand is as before
Why? Why? Really have
I do not speak , make him feel not well-known and vexed. Before he goes slowly to window, tone says lowly: " know? I do not hope to have some things to hurt us. " is the beautiful feelings that he has for being broken , he always reproaches me - - though he is to use gentle way, he should not always let me live in perplexity. Speak , once speak with him will also consider over and over again, I alive still have what meaning? He lets me feel worry gradually, because of me have felt tired - - works , and it is the message that he communicates , lets me perplexed! He knows , I want to see him so glad Appearance De, hope so that is so harmonious always between us, instead of mutual distrust. I fear to hurt him, however, I again do not know where I am wrong! Why does he let one unpleasant always?
The words that hear him are this to carve , I scare to spoil: " not! Not!!I fearJustYou stillYou do not mind the?You do not be angry , as? " I
That even in one minute, it is huge and grieved to raid mind, till tear, do not flow desperately to shed , but I dare not make sound , fear that he hears that meeting is more tired, I hold him tightly , do not move. Very for a long time very for a long time, I am light to call out: " elder brother, excuse me! I have been wrong! "

He is cold to say: " do not say , you sleep first! I still have work to handle , tomorrow, it is a little bit good that you can feel perhaps. " I am still timid to say: " you say that you excuse me , are you good? " " is good, I excuse you. Actually, you also have no genuine mistake, I hope your sunshine only somewhat! " he has turned body, see me to say conscientiously.
He does not understand
What is happiness? It is beautiful and grieved. It is grieved and beautiful , go deep into marrow moisten. Since is incomplete, it is to not injure only and other person since give pleasure to , it is painful, and happy person. It is not that who can enjoy , is not that who can enjoy , is not that who matches enjoyment. Happiness belongs to the happiness that I give him only, grieved belong to him to give my happiness only.
In those days, I have become wilful, stubborn, narrow little woman , make he often tired explanation and deal with. In those days, I become , do not engage in regular occupation, do not think to keep forging ahead , indulge only to struggle in the whirlpool of feelings, actually since set up protective screen. Worry comes from heart evil spirit, any beautiful matter on world, if control excessiveness, will change to bad aspect. He has been angry , because of me do not understand , between appearance the person of love, distrust and explanation are a processes of cannot evade. My original style, I original is magnanimous, my original braveness. I original I. Perhaps, I am really selfish , but am not subjective.

12th Zhang

銆€Speak:
Knowledge Sun Li is a accident before, this I never think of self can occur marriage outside feelings, though I like to contact with with woman, limit mostly in the scope of friend. I for self wife have a kind of maternal instinct rely on , marry quickly30Year , we have blended in marrow each other. Grandson is beautiful, one looks and is not beautiful , is but filled with the woman of character. One year is former, I am just life goal in gradually flat the time that feelings becomes gentle day by day , on work, it is to answer the commonplace of a day on day basically. I work in the editor room of publishing house , read writing , read is in I everyday essential schoolwork. Go home after, it is very best to net , chats merely, You Zai swim Zai error time, though also having , it is depressed, but this depressed is a kind of leisure for enjoyments is lonely, fall Gua suit , depressed depressed Gua joyfully, worry great Mang, wanting to say return Xiu; Most fear that only place may see that person is tired , and does not hate what it may be without end indignant , and does not very much want to do what there may be eager impulse , once doing , again feel suddenly that have no meaning, , , however lonely is normal, and do not influence my normal life. However this woman, so as is unprincipled as can not restrain to have rushed into my life, ghost makes god bad, let me have changed own life.
In view of feelings factor, together with us, have established company, afterwards, I just know that she borrows money under the condition of still being heavily in debt by oneself to make investment for me. For me, come to Japan to develop a rational environment of own talent , her decision is excited , have even given up her better development opportunity. She self only can the project of bring the dead back to life takes company, tight clothing draws back meal, make great effort to guarantee the operation of company. Before this, she is already not needing any fund with a company's cooperation. Certainly, in initial stage of running, it is difficult to can imagine , one is that I do not meet commercial running, 2 is that company just prepares to construct , everything from new beginning, I feel the worry of Mo Ming and am horrified. The pressure on spirit is great , is not only complained for her, and regret not originally. Some good friends say for me: Give up! Your result will not be good , leave her, return arrive in the past. I appreciate sincerely that but, I say: Can not!
Reason is very simple: I not whether accept own choice, can not ignore the existence of a kind woman more. , the work of my original drastic abandonment, insist do go down. I treasure her love , also believe her love. It is a kind of enjoyment that however, love has time, at some times, it is also a kind of suffering , is even suffering. Can not especially also can't bear to hurt others or can not especially also can't bear when hurting self to negate the existent time of love. I am not very rich no doubt, but my life is not short of money. My life is always relative and comfortable, on spirit, also compare joyfulness, this is also just me though work is very busy but have free feelings still to read some writing some thing the still net reason of playing. However, say innermost thoughts, I always not very satisfy for self, I always think that I have no opportunity to demonstrate self , I can still do other some matters for example " what career ". The loyalty for love , is for the respect of promise , add again for career yearn for , make me stick to. May I sad is , the worry on business, make I gloom is more and more larger than joyfulness. Nearly, there is the time of half a year, on spirit, have been hard to sustain , have even thought of suicide, but see her often is firm and hold , I have again been moved.
Hardships blood rain, adversity deliver , when it is most difficult, so, have also closed indissoluble friendship, passion development relies on , the danger of business sea, strong our feelings, or let to kiss feelings.
This duration, my understanding for that faithfulness has got deeper layer. It is faithful , or says that is sincere , or says ," show utter devotion " , or says ," remain faithful " , becomes sacred. Here, surface has had no interests , has no difference in degree is expensive and lowly , have had no sex , have had no interests , have had no any hesitation hesitation, have only Cheng and letter. It is the approval of a person for a other person , respects and accepts , still has appreciation, approval, understanding and love. Cheng is what with letter?Do you approve, respect, accept and appreciate , approve, understand and like and are what? At bottom, it is requirement or a kind of morals of person , is that a kind of quality is also a kind of standard. So, is have is also to long forArrive. Therefore it is also the highest point in morals grade. This two are to depend on mutually , prove mutually. The time that will have certain spiritual quality and sends call , response we those is considered by us noble thing. It is lofty and ideal , long-range goal, noble moral, the principle of behaving.These are firmly, it is
I recognize that self is not those very nobleThought is also not dark. Here, some feeling meetings change weak along with the change of time or change thick Sang Tian and white cloud grey dog of the blue sea, who describes to settle road have you to be clear? However no matter how to say , we possess and love. No matter opposite side has time, is not to let us disappointed, also losing regardless of us too much should not lose less, we firmly believes still, the real situation of human world forever when. As we believe self, also as we should excuse self is the same, our friend though some time makes one disappointed and even hateful, may we cannot depart from them still, as we cannot depart from ourselves forever.

There is time, I hate her , really hate her, often view120%, but in my personality, it is more, complain that I believe that only one of my raw person that will complain is her , I am such love she. I can not really say what Qing Ta does wrong. Perhaps, is from that day of knowledge , a lot of her mistakes is for me, I know her clearly for the cost that I pay out , but I am hard to always restrain the own complaint for her, not is she for me is insufficient as doing , and it is that she can not understand me, my loyal and the pains. Know each other frequently, not appearance Yi, she does do not arrive. Always since I life when is unceasing explain and disagree with her, it is vexed. Trying to leave her and me again do do not arrive , I can not nearly describe the time that we do not argue or do not contact one day, I is fidgety. I have said that we are the disasters of each other.
At company's difficult time, she always attempts to comfort me, even take may not is the condition of fact comes to deceive me , leting me be kept inside a drum is gratified , the suffering that she undergoes I can not again look but see not , I is sensitive. Love harms person sometimes.
When company's trend level road, I discovery she already carefully ash Yi is cold, not is for me , the enthusiasm of being for a lot of things, I always think that this is a kind of morbid state. Up to her, say one day suddenly for me that she has gone , Gui depend on Buddha, I think that is joke , really think that is joke, she should not give up.
What is love? Love is to cannot ponder completely, a kind of completely unreasonable mood. It is magnificent, magical dimly discernible and clearly; It from time to time blazing Zhi person is from time to time ice-cold and piercing; Surging forward from time to time surge , is from time to time winding and curved; Come show first as rainbow, go such as antelope angle, forever can not definite topography allows , can not also understand really forever. Feelings is not what love as here marvelous, perhaps this book , may be that I collect throughout life. Nobody can ridicule it, also nobody can seize it. What I will say here is that there is a kind of love, possibility is had no as a result, but it is meaningful. Perhaps this kind love is unselfish. Nobody can ridicule love , has no. Even is again vulgar again stupidity even again vicious again cruel person, can not! Because perhaps one day, world will be destroied , lovely feelings will be eternal.

However - - I must point out , some loves are unfounded. I am unfounded as saying to denote its unidirectionalness, illusory and unreasonableness. Here includes certainly the "unrequited love" on usual meaning may intension is more wide, also including " some two lovesicknesses " the love of failure. This two unfounded love claimed is heavy for the injury of person , beats our heart , tests our love.

13th Zhang
銆€ Speak:
銆€To develop crow g orchid market continuously, I and Si Yu discuss , and then go to one crow Ke-Lan. Though I for self enter into the country to be not sure of , but I am willing to accompany him still. Sa Sha understands very much for our friendship , knows that Si Yu is the person that I most trust. This duration, their two persons have become good friend. Go to crow Ke-Lan this time between is also me for us a kind of transfer on feelings, hope when in new development space remedies some things of the understanding between each other.
Visa is very smooth, we have mounted airplane at last. What we sit is Russian navigation , will transfer plane in Moscow , and do not stay there for 3 hours. After approximate 7 hours, we have gone to Moscow at last, Si Yu is to go abroad for the first time, naturally than me, it is more excited, I Zhui Zhui worry slowly quilt happiness has covered.
Moscow airport decorates in sight except having the building of different region local conditions and customs as well as has different ethnic group and the men and womens that pass carelessly are that ordinary little tables , ordinary arrive do not have any wooden quality little table of luxurious decoration, on little table, have only wine, even have no go with rice food. Wait next time flight , gap , is temporarily short and relaxed. Two cups of volt adds liquor, the two wines of draught beer are close to50U.S. dollar, exceed we by domestic consumer 10 times. Russian song is light and slow to have floated on ear occasion, remind me that this is the alien land of foreign country , but my feeling is not strong. What is only is that I have seemingly been far away from some things , have been far away from what , say that is not clear.
Blurred sight in have somewhat is affected and
Have a kind of thing slowly rise in heart, this kind of thing is a person in the time with the most peaceful heart wants the most actual heart base demand in a kind of some desire life of D D of saying everything , only specifying unbiased environment just meeting consciousness, and realize. I become very rational , am at the same time one and the woman that mood not melts but has rich feelings.
In some times that pass, I have lost what seemingly , and have gotten what seemingly , become completely clear right now. Person has only the time controled by mood, just have selfless meeting, selfless also signify and not understand know that what self need is what. Environment lets one distorted. I like Xi Rang deliver cup to touch the witty remark in small cup company pearl, in have only however peaceful I is most true in, serene is gentle and quiet. I know , such style my few embodiments, in fact I always when quietly hope self is this appearance. Picture woman, one knows sex know the woman of reason. Instead of is insane, accident, Jie Ao not Xun, it is cynical, affected , has no ill groan , jugglery the deep, all-powerful woman, that is supercilious. Though, business sea makes me have to be so , but person is impossible to always live , is under the state of a kind of social person.
I know clearly, I needs what D D I needs I
This and thing that can hold assurance are hard, disaster when is not assurance, is as can understanding. Often, many persons are not only me, for can understanding always twist easily, twist self and twist others. Namely is too subjective. Subjective when everything the prerequisite of this assurance determines the nature the foundation in inference and guess goes up , it is not rational feelings others , is nearly impossible to be rational naturally to experience self, so, life have distress has derived from this, claim to worry about imaginary troubles.
Wine and the little table of Moscow let me have
Actually most most good unties person Yi is still Heaven,
The mission that brings reality has mounted to fly to the airliner of crow g orchid , has been evening time. Moscow airport, lights Lan Shan, a moment when airplane taking off, the fear of a kind of reality has harassed my the whole body, will again return arrive that have been filled with hope for me is at the same time again filled with indignant country. It has given legend D D of my life the development for this country, I have gotten high honor in D D has opened the crow nongovernmental exhibition intercourse of two countries first river, have gotten the high approval of the governments of two countries. However2003Year3Month, it44When the exhibition team of person has caught crow g orchid history, comes in and go out boundary problem in visa , side Jian , Customs can not appearance most intense one year of the contradictory deterioration in the conflict melted, so, cause China1400It can not be entered into the country that person holds legal visa, do not remove crow g orchid Customs is rotten, at the same time in exhibition team, two persons has had the bad record in crow g orchid illegal delay, but since they have changed passport, I am not clear , result is whole group original machine repatriates. Chinese Embassy consul and counsellor sustain and appeal energetically, but as a result , it is not ideal , is guide, my resistance is intense , directly brings team in crow g orchid Embassy after returning to sit quietly , forces crow g orchid embassy consul to apologize. And under the Chinese suggestion in crow g orchid embassy grandson consul, put forward written application to Chinese Ministry of Foreign Affairs , ask diplomacy to present a note. At the Chinese time of telling duty in the commercial counsellor return of crow g orchid, have also proved this process, however I become crow g orchid Customs as before the person that does not be well received the restriction of D D of 5 years enters into the country. This is also my reason of going to jail. And this time, go to crow Ke-Lan, is away from me lift a ban with time still bad one year. Go to crow Ke-Lan, I is complex at heart, on the one hand I in view of crow Ke-Lan government change class have fantasy for they hold, they have still given my immigration office legal invitation to approve and get legal visa. On the other hand, I send him arrival safely for a kind of mood of friend , accompany him. Though, estimate that self has been refused entry risk.
On airplane, I am simple for him to have explained
Airplane arrival crow
He enter into the country
However this kind fellow, disregarding crucial time can not accomplish to hold me , abandonment is left by oneself alone. This kind of choice is absolutely not rational under specific condition , but is subconsciousness , but no time consideration is too much , is the induction of heart base or the habit of thought only.
If I do not send him, if he disregarding me, we will not be also filled with so deep impression for Moscow , Moscow airport favourable turn is returned. We have wine continuously, in wine, life has got a kind of new knowledge. Claim to share comforts and hardships , claim the battle friendship in hardships as well as the atmosphere of understanding and contain , what know each other is that facing all setbacks of life, do not complain , it is more concerning.
It is Russian ordinary wooden quality little table as before , opens bosom to freely drink , however when I at heart, more is thanks and self-accusation. Entire process in, my friend shows gentle let , in my heart, have been filled with the feelings that I can not express , what he gives me is not only comfort, it is more encouraging.
Drink! What drink is that it140Many U.S. dollars, we feel that worth. Because it is taken off that we have not all drunk to bend over , if in domestic, have long do not know that who has talked nonsense , this time unexpectedly all train of thought is clear, is also earnest to have studied new working plan and scheme, to be going to crow g orchid next time, have established plan. As south lake meeting have been filled with new passion, and this time, step on task already satisfyingly to be completed.
Person and person between,
, it is more important, it
Actually, everything in life is so simple formerly, the America in
Moscow so becomes my one time special soul post , seal carves in me the depths of memory, a bit, a what occur understand and the story that what has not also occured. Business sea disturbance and amount are beautiful recollectionses as before after year, but only is I a kind of footnote in feelings, the memory of little table and wine tells me, what I need is what, what I get is also what. I am content very much.
The no Moscow local conditions and customs, little table and wine of local conditions and customs have changed unexpectedly all illusories that I have gone and impetuousnesses. I become plain and natural, nature I. It is sincere that the businessman who does a reason does a behavior but not Fang ideological magnificent ordinary woman. The cognition of the objective needs of the former all detail in work, strategy and tactics, must avoid to act impetuously. The latter is to know love and is not unreasonable. The good claimed unties person Yi, let life keep forever is innocent. This feelings originates from me to see on a man the body genuine atmosphere and is generous.
It is so, the story of Moscow, little table and wine. A light wash painting in memory in, drawing is rising, is background, and on the sky of background a angle, one is mercerized and bright , that is to draw soul.
Unforgettable.

14th Zhang
銆€銆€Speak:
銆€銆€Crow g orchid entry failure has deepened my intercourse with Luo Si Yu, is vexed. This duration, he is clear to realize my difficult condition , has overweight contemplation, have recured at last Yi depressed disease. We can not so go down. Decision departure he not because do not love him, as he decision departure I not because do not love me. So, we decide , have only to part this road may save ourselves, save us just like the suffering and feelings that not controled like drug abuse. Though before, this we the effort with various try, for example, reduce association; For example, increase injury; Again for example, each loves another person select forced, come to an end completely with failure. Feelings as if drug, taking off poison need time. Problem is , we return when appearance love , problem is we appearance love has formed danger, problem is we are not to can not control self, and it is to can not control opposite side. The principle of various reason that we agree will be often met one time because of a telephone destroy once, cause former merit to let to abandon, consume is we a lot of days bear and restrain , the suffering of feelings already make we grievously frightened , is close to collapse on spirit.

We are too similar , belong to those extremist group of unreasonableness on personality, what is sad is that extremity those love of idealism, and our love is not reasonable and legal. Must recognize , all marriage outside feelings if do not be concerned with marriage, have only two choices, or weak Ran drift apart , or accumulated rancour becomes to worry. This has become seemingly to decide type , the flower claimed not as a result has withered meeting one day. The gray hair that we have dreamt for is intimate, we have talk in sleep error love human society, we think that we are refined, we may let love have fled, is secular to rob disaster, we are gratified.

Love is drug, when one day we the addiction of using drug time, we discover that we are not the dominators of love, love is that a everybody compensates for but the pestilence with unavoidable everybody, everybody may become victim. Have passed peaceful intercourse, we decide to let love change to kiss feelings or friendship, we have begun the experiment of first step: Do not talk about feelings. In fact accompanying and what come is unnecessary guess in, this guess slowly Yun contain a kind of hidden bitterness, so that for self originally the doubt that choice occurs , even regret , if know now, needn't originally? However, but not whether accept the love that has occured drive off is strong, in and love that deep-rooted imprint on the mind memory. Mood becomes sad and blurred, a kind of not from is autonomous and dimly , at last, we has fallen into huge pain. He is ill, because can not bear the suffering of love, recurrence Yi depressed disease. And my long-term insomnia is the shadow of opposite side completely in the brain, wave do not go. It is not to miss , is the shadow of evil spirit.

What is regretful is that who has not also left the final determination of opposite side thoroughly, what is sad is that who also does not be willing to hurt the opposite side that likes as before. The injury of essence also when slowly cultivation. Have to let opposite side realize self go Yi, in order to the query of leting memory ask for certificate finally for feelings. Want to not reach quickly. For us, it is more a lot of than accepting a love to want grandness to give up a love, it is not vexed , is not gloomy , but is depressed. A kind of suffocation. That is a experience of can not forget more than the very love, the time of facing opposite side the open-mindedness made with great efforts and open bosom, heart is bleeding. We can feel the pain of each other, but will pretend foolish Ran do not know , even want to hurt , release own mood with cruelty, clear opposite side has been filled with pity. No misunderstanding is hated each other because of knowing each other , because like. Our beautiful desire is to do not recommit the same error through, after the hard labor of this love, being a pair of good friend that disappears to hate, also no longer passion combustion, have only the understanding under tender feeling and tender feeling. Is this possible?
Have a kind of depressed is not vexed, it is not sad , is not painful , is not hatred. Can't say. Is more vexed than love, than being disappointed in a love affair , it is more sad , is more painful than injury, than deception more hatred. Few days come , of each other depressed depressed in Gua joyfully is dimly, god does not guard house , eats unwilling taste, have no shrewd dozen Cai, because of us still like , just have got this suffering. Not is separate do not give up , is is far away from can not. Is this love? I already can not judge , in fact, I insist to do not like to but put to be no less than. Puting is no less than , there is still him.
I realize suddenly that this is depressed. Depressed is a kind of unique feelings, this feelings original is such disaster Ai. It is obviously clear of each other to miss , but can not express , because to guard , it is a stipulated. This agreement as if a set of chains, my heart is thorough and however angry as having stifled. Hope so that we give up each other , hope our hatred of each other so , hope so that we forget each other , hope so that we leave each other thoroughly. However, why are you unexpectedly so and difficult? We have known telephone, reason does weak Ran, the matter that says some work will not be concerned with feelings absolutely. But I am distinct to feel , our heart when quietly inquiry opposite side " how are you? " we are not good , it is so, depressed. Some time, we can picture a indifferentism of each other has wine together as the old friend of love, dark blue mulberry ponder is innocent as passing like transit moves is free and easy? The lofty sentiments of heart base unselfish universe width as before, solicitude has gotten married feelings. That copy of nature, is just that I am thirsty to wish for a long time, because I hate current this kind of suffering, love is not beautiful , it is beautiful thinking of , do I think that he is also to so think surely? However, why we can not? On world, have no eternal love, do we how to be also to do not so divide difficult house? Think that we really hurt each other , let feelings can not no longer recover , I hate him - - why can not give up me readily, my abandonment also will therefore unique decidedly. Our so hateful - - irresolute we. What lets to can not hurt , is this more cruel than the injury that not given up so? Right now, I have only a desire, the blue sky! Help me , have learnt to break.
One finish of feelings, or say that terminate in a feelings and my pain and perplexed is not to have lost what, the doubt of being for self, I doubt I first lose self can just lose love, I deny in order to entrust a kind of unfounded fancy of own soul. I realize all feelings lose to lie in own reason step is self-appointed, besiege self to be partitioned by others at will in a circle, take the charge of feelings this kind of beast of evil spirit ruthlessness swallows Nie, I when in not conscious is well-behaved to bow one's head to capture, indulge in pleasure and forget home and duty unexpectedly. All these are the degenerations that originates from me , rely on others just like abandonment self. No matter man is still woman, the understanding for life meaning lies in the life of how to treat self, pay attention to its existent way, congealing again heavy some description is called ideal. One has lost the person for the basic assessment interest of own survival value, the meaning of its life is living only, instead of life. Based on specific life atmosphere, the embodiment of life meaning may receive to be confined to objective environment , is but just such a kind of circumstances also often arouse some persons subjective awakening, the very this kind of awakening is a kind of since love , have certain value meaning since love and do not be derogatory sense, it is a kind of motive power that promotes people to ask for the rope constantly , person should have self-respect. So, contradiction has appeared: A lot of persons think , too from the person that loves necessity narrow self feeling, so protective screen own development, and do not be helpful to make progress from the talent that loves , is round with external world to melt. I take a dim view.
At last, weak Ran. But at the same time, feel to be bored to death , even if spirit trembles Sou busy , always feel that have lacked what. Though we have not yet lost contact, also, the relation of each other is more joyful, do not seem former is tense, he for me love and appreciate , have aggravated my pain more , have aggravated to hate , but do not know to hate what. Feelings can not be really paid out easily, once paying out pain, it is fatal, and happy is a short process. Somebody says that love may change to be friendship, I feel unless is not real love, like and hate a same depth. He says that he loves me forever, and he loves me so far as before, I think that this is the prerequisite hated. Reason I say that am not clear. But I despise him. I do not know me this kind of opinion whether is stage, as time is the best correction liquid, so, I can only hope in time , let time weaken my pain just like the love that desalinizes us , hope that he is also so. As if we agreement is the same, is good friend and kinsfolk. Is this possible? I do not know.
Have passed a time to tear the pain of heart split lung and restrain , I believe self already slowly calm down. This duration, I begin to contact more friend, and consciously development ambiguity, people say frequently that the wound pain of feelings is only cured with the medicine liquid of feelings, I indulge in the wildest fantasy think , if, I once have got is new to entrust , perhaps is a kind of surmount , it is to forget the effective prescription of this feelings as soon as possible. I even hope that he also forgets me also with this method, leting of each other hurt to shorten suffering , long pain has better to be short and painful. Pass some envy , it is free and easy to become a kind of mock. However, when he in consciously the unprincipled joke with other persons, I have felt clearly a kind of painstakingly stimulate, he is not happy ,since he can not cover up his distress. And I constantly thinking of his shadow at heart as before under same state, however, I rely on have added a kind of retaliate, seemingly own all behaviors not is a kind of free oneself , and it is to hurt for him, let see helplessly look at me how to walk out of this feelings confine , in fact, I discover that I have accomplished.
When I tell him all these , though, his superficial expression is pleased, but heart is not flavour. I feel that injury is still insufficient, but heart is joyful and incomparable. However, this kind of opinion arising near I have again regreted , because he has not so hurt me, I see to reach him as before when cautious He protect our feelings, though, do not say what we know the eagerness of each other. We concern each other under kissing the pretence of feelings, also take off alertness in the horrified psychological state of really losing opposite side , this is the pleasant sensation of another kind of meaning. Injury is the continuity of feelings, I understand this , but am helpless.

15th Zhang
銆€ Speak:
銆€銆€I and grandson are beautiful, often when a literature forum hair some dose son, she always writes own mood writing. Since we knowledge beginning, she has written the thing of 10 ten thousands of words, each have been filled with passion. And I have never written what to her, even if I understand her at heart Qi wish.
Part , signify pain also for me, so not from have to have got to her write letter desire, so, I have written own true opinion, to get her understanding: The love on genuine meaning is blazing, unconditional, it has the feature of non reason , still has strong exclusiveness. However, this is still that the love on surface layer and genuine meaning at least still has first floor only: Soul blend completely, the trouble-free combination of all moods( dream and all pursuits of life , even like ). Though many persons in us possibility not have the genuine love experience or enjoyment, but it is had absolutely.
Person, once pursuing such love, it is very dangerous , can also cause the serious to self to others , may be even fatal injury. I am a mediocre person, a petty and low person. I am born in the little family of staff member, my family has had splendor, but to my grandfather generation, is on the decline gradually. My heart is always not gentle, but exterior is gentle forever. I feel forever that self had been not understood , I feel forever to lose , feel gloom forever and is lonely. At the same time, because of environmental influence, I also have somewhat, is false and refined and is so called and open-minded.
When I have met a person , even understand my person more than my wife, I have but loved her firmly without preparation. Reason is very simple, this is the lover in dream, a genuine red face is intimate. When in her contact, I have even felt the first time " self excellence ".
She for me understanding and
I am the person of a disposition, I am very excited
However, this kind of Yin worry
Love is occured in a flash, but is been step by step by - - many times of confirmation and reinforcement in do not know do not feel occur, it does not be lived in that baring also bar. When a person feels that self falls into difficult condition, may just understand: It is too difficult to look back. The wine brewed by oneself, self will drink , have no method.
When certain one day I realize suddenly, I actually have no method at all to enjoy the preceding feature of the blazing, unconditional, non reason that says , the time that has the love of strong exclusiveness , perplexity occur. Reason is very simple, we discover: Soul blend completely, the trouble-free combination of all moods( dream and all pursuits of life , even like ) is and so on that I have no method to accomplish.
Say simplely that I discover at last, I want , actually, foundation is not love , is even not the love of surface. What I want is those only in "love", is partial as I can accept. My love is under certain condition, it is selfish. I want to get , but not want to lose. I want the joyfulness on my feelings, but I can not give up my family absolutely with me tens of years the life habit as well as my all feelings that forms.
Say that is very preposterous, since is this to carve , I for her injury have begun. Actually what this kind of injury is selfish is that a kind of self protects. However what is more preposterous is that I can't often feel that this hurts: On the one hand, feel that self is innocent , also want to alleviate to even stop this kind of injury on the other hand.
Now, I have understood
All person possible metropolis ridicule I is hypocritical,
On the one hand, there is strong feelings,
When she decides to suspend the love between us, I have to free sense , and feel sad and grievance. I have deceived her really , have hurt her, but at the same time, I have deceived my self more , have also hurt my self. What I want to say is that I for her feelings is actual, at strong, some times, it is even one-sided fantasy. But positive-appearing image she says , he does not match me to like.
Yes, I do
I bless her , at the same time also bless my self: Walk out of shadow, no matter this has many disasters. In any case, life is respected by needs, responsibility must be let , no matter having , it is difficult.
When I at heart,
A lifetime

Attach a poem:
Who can
That is his
Why can hold easily
Being him
Who can
That is his
Why can have the
When missing
He also is hollow
My spouse?
Still remember
" is past at
Child is
Cheat it
When raw dim
Voice and appearance,
Also have
It is
However,
However,
As I have
Have
Have
I have just
However
Hear to understand
My spouse?
" our desire
Because
When knock
, yes
Life is being all
Regret
There is
My spouse?
It is actual
But I
Dark night
But I
Curse
Is just
Who can again
My spouse?
Yes
It still
But that is
Also have
Even have no
It may be that
My spouse!

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