Since coming off duty at home, can't always seek the work of satisfactory good lucky. Old, man can only rely on the wages income of 400 Yuan every month to defend livelihood. For get married to stand field, bear children , dare not extravagant hopes really. However, is man total sexual desire, have no desire do not become a normal man on the contrary.
In telephone, old, man says for me: " I have been convinced , this lifetime that plan is forever single , doing not use pains to change seek old old woman sincerely. If in the future, economic condition allows , I will go to seek a lover to talk feelings , send lonely time. If meeting a lover that has a common goal , perhaps, still not draw out money with me to buy sheet! However, now in my pocket, have no money, seeking lover is Eight Character has no one Pie matter. "
That day, isNThe annual birthday of which, Chinese has customs, that is Feng 10 do( except 40 not do, possibility is mouth Cai go up not lucky), and old, man divides with the age part of this life, have to want to do once for limit, to stop consuming pains by oneself. This show old place first this male person some are out of the common, have more out of the common is , old, man is entering the time of life minimum grain by oneself unexpectedly- -Middle age, celebrate
Old place man depressing extremely tunnel is as follows this bitter writing, reader asks taste. Perhaps this is tear when silent flow to shed a sad Indian mark left; This also is a kind of helplessness and sad Wan soul confession:
Common saying says: Person goes to middle-aged everything Xiu. Do not know afterwards, whether can have person to figure out me at this moment at heart how a kind of state. Actually, also do not need Chuai feel. Publish such a self in that day for self celebrate the birthday declaration, its intention lies in completely: The life that belongs to my self has begun since then.
According to the will of others, is on the scene to be taken in "actor" or do on stand " cheering squad Yuan ", shake flag to cry out for others, flattery cheers time, for me will one does not return. In the years of that hungry belly( childhood), in that times of " the Cultural Revolution "( teenager), in that stage of " reform "( youth), is moved by the hand push of a so-called "giant" , control destiny, now will by middle age I begin to grasp. Even if this destiny takes by self can fall down to a " miserable world ", I also have no anger speech. Because I have withdrawn my line of vision, casting arrive and the aspect with opposite others. And it is this beginning just , casts the difficulty of my destiny.
Life must have rule. For this,- -It is regular as having. But I do not allow this some rule to be personal for me to make carding comments. Because it is planing in front of, all rule, I will become a special case from current beginning. This special case, my love watches brand: Ning seek lover do not seek old old woman! This carving my world outlook is: Want thought , do not want politics. Want truth , do not want right.
It has had countless beautiful dream. No matter in childhood, times and juvenile times are still youth times, 11 has been attacked is broken. Now, examine oneself , is also to say , life says as this. Because such fond dream is to rely on "giant" to go to do for the blueprint that I design. So, once "giant" has modified blueprint. My fond dream can only be also aly broken for one to receive.
Now, enter middle age for period I no longer dream, want to raise the idealism banner of own design. Even destiny many disasters , have difficult future to predict , I will not also give up. Because this is the road that my self selects. Therefore, I give up all comforts and enjoyments willingly- -The sweetness
Amassing tens of years the experience of road that passes ( no matter is immature, or being painful, perhaps, may still add the sexual love that is kept inside a drum but does not know truth with happiness), I discover at last: This is the road of my middle age, this is just my brand-new life times. Because I have discovered- -Or say , I seek have returned
God asks: " you will insist character? If want surely, that you must pay out grievous cost: Suffering. " possibility, or, necessity! Everybody can also so say for me. For this, my reply is: To protect , there is character, I am willing to suffer! It is horrified and dies , have become for me Xuan sword, and my is to be accustomed. Because I have prepared: Comprehensibility under my foot:- -Tolerate to live
This is my middle-aged declaration: Ning seek
N One can understand , is
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